The Geography Lesson From Hell Inspired By Mrs H
by Chibi Teazer
Summary: Well, this is a humorous piece... evidently... inspired by MY geog teacher.... Mrs Hoff.... better not finish that in case she's a CATS fan.... meeep :S


Hello! Tis me! Chibi Teazer! I am still alive! Yes I am! (Cori - Damn..) (Oh shut up.) And, I'm bringing you another strange ficlet. please read and review.  
  
Disclaimer - Meh. you don't neeeed to read this. and I don't really want to write it. but. Oh well. idontownanythinginthisstoryitallbelongstoandrewlloydwebberandthereallyuseful grouplimitedsopleasedontsuemethankyou! There you go. was quick and you only have to read it if you want to sue me. Which you don't right? (Cori - Desperate.)  
  
The Geog Lesson from Hell.. (written whilst in Geog. funnily enough.)  
  
CT - Hi!!! Hii hiiiiii!!!!  
  
Cori - Go!!! Gooo!!! Goooo gooo gooooooo away!!!  
  
CT - (begins to mock cry)  
  
Tugger - Shuttup.  
  
CT - (shuts up) What is it with you people! Why do you all hate me?  
  
Tugger - (putting arm over CT's shoulder) Well. for a start. we aren't people. and  
  
Misto - (Apparating next to CT) we just don't like you.  
  
Tugger - Man! Why do you always do that?!  
  
Misto - Doing what?  
  
Tugger - Finishing.  
  
Misto - Your sentences?  
  
Tugger - WHY?!  
  
Misto - 'Cause..  
  
Tugger - 'Cause what?  
  
Misto - Just 'cause.  
  
CT - Hey! (waving hands madly) Over here!!!! Heeelllooooo!!!  
  
Jelly - WHAT?  
  
CT - Ahhh! Why are you yelling?  
  
Jelly - SPEAK UP DEAR!!! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!! WHY ARE YOU ALL SPEAKING SO SOFTLY TODAY???  
  
CT - (To Jenny) Is she alright?  
  
Jelly - WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? WE HAVEN'T GOT TIME TO GO TO A WALL-MART!!!  
  
Jenny - She. uhm. well. it's kinda embarrassing. you see Tumble has it in him that he should be a punk rocker. so he's been playing his music excruciating loud for the past three days.. and Jelly has been having to live in the same den as him. so she's sort of losing her hearing. (shaking head) It's quite sad really.  
  
Jelly - OH? I DON'T THINK CT IS ALL TH-AT BAD!  
  
Jenny - (putting arm around Jelly's shoulders) That's not what I said dear.  
  
CT - Uhm.. anyway. I have decided that as you don't really know much about where I am from I would give you guys a geography lesson on Australia!  
  
Kits - Yay.  
  
CT - No! It'll be fun really! I'll show you piccies from home and-  
  
(She stops dead noticing Tumble entering wearing black leather, ears pierced, tight leather pants rivalling Tuggers, a studded collar and his fur slicked back.)  
  
CT - Huh? *confuzzlement*  
  
Jenny - His punk rocker stage.  
  
CT - Oh I see.  
  
Jenny - Well CT? The faster we get this lesson done the faster we can get out of here. So shall we begin?  
  
CT - (starts bouncing up and down, happy that someone stood up for her) OKAY!!!!! YAAAAAYYY!!  
  
CT - Aspag?  
  
Asparagus - My name is NOT Aspag, it is Asparagus. I thank you kindly to remember that.  
  
CT - Oh. blast. look, can you *muttermuttermutter*  
  
Asparagus - I'll see. but only if you promise *muttermuttermutter*  
  
CT - Now, Asparagus is just getting me a few items, while we are waiting for him, can you please get a desk and chair from that funny pile of desks and chairs over there. (Points to a pile of desks and chairs that amazingly enough wasn't there yesterday)  
  
Asparagus - Here you go, oh. I couldn't find the academic hat. so I got you this instead (holds up a tea-cosy).  
  
CT - Uhm. thanks.  
  
Asparagus - Well. Here are the rest of the items, a chalkboard, (bringing each item in as he ticks it off) an academic dress, a box of chalk and a large box with string around it, hiding something that the class doesn't need to know about it. (Asparagus leers at the class evilly on the last few words) (Everyone else shrinks back)  
  
CT - Thankyou Asparagus, now! (Turns to class in one swishing movement) This robe (putting on the academic dress) means that I am entitled to tell you all about Australia. CT - Thankyou Asparagus, now! (Turns to class in one swishing movement) This robe (putting on the academic dress) and this diploma (holds up a diploma with the words "learn how to be a teacher in 30 minutes or less!" printed across it) means that I am entitled to tell you all about Australia.  
  
All - *YAWN*  
  
CT - Glares at Tugger.  
  
Tugger - HEY!? What'd I do?!  
  
CT - Nothing. I just felt like glaring at you.  
  
Tugger - Yeah. that's just like you.  
  
CT - Moving on, please sit at your desks?  
  
(All sit at chosen desk)  
  
CT - Australia is a very multicultural country. (Turns to chalkboard and writes "multicultural" on the board.) Can anyone tell me what multicultural means?  
  
Mungo - Isn't 'at somthin' ta do wif wine an' graipes?  
  
Rumple - (bonking him) Nah ya idjit! Tha's vi'icultcha!  
  
CT - (Looks at Rumple in shock.) How'd you know that?  
  
Rumple - Our masta's a bi' of a' sponge. 'e owns a vinyard ova seas.  
  
CT - Oh.. that's why you live in Victoria Grove. Wow.  
  
Mungo - Yeah well. whoine is a big bisiness.  
  
CT - Yeah, I know. Anyway, multicultural? Anyone?!  
  
Jenny - I believe it means lots of people from many different cultures and countries from around the world living in one community together.  
  
CT - Well done! Excellent definition! Take ten points!  
  
Jenny - Eh?  
  
CT - Uhm. (giggles nervously) never mind. anyway, shall we move onto what we all know about Australia? What do you guys know?  
  
Misto - It's full of lousy fanfic writers?  
  
CT - (glaring) Shut up Misto.  
  
Etcetera - Koala bears?  
  
CT - AHA! The first thing that has to be said about that! Koala's are not actually bears! They are marsupials!  
  
Jelly - Say what? Bears come from Mars?  
  
CT - (slapping forehead) No dear, Koalas are MARSUPIALS. (writes marsupials on board underneath multicultural.)  
  
Tugger - I also heard that you eat axle grease on bread.  
  
CT - Huh?  
  
Tugger - It was just what I heard.  
  
CT - VEGIMITE!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!  
  
Tugger - What did I say? She's having convulsions!  
  
CT - I was laughing you twit. vegemite is our national spread. unfortunately it was sold to America and we no longer own it. a bit disappointing really.  
  
Jenny - Is it true that you have huge fires that set the whole place alight?  
  
CT - Oh yes, bush fires can kill many animals and people and destroy homes, and destroy hundreds of thousands of hectares of land.  
  
Victoria - What's a hectare?  
  
Jelly - (standing up with paws on hips) What do you mean what's a fair share? I taught you this before!  
  
Jenny - SIT DOWN JELLY!  
  
Jelly - (sits) I don't understand children these days. it's impossible. never listen. never understand. on purpose.  
  
CT - Uhm. a hectare is 100 metres squared.  
  
Pouncie - Metre?  
  
CT - Three feet and a bit?  
  
All - oooohhhhhhhh..  
  
CT - Any more questions?  
  
Tugger - are you really all galahs?  
  
Etccy - What's a galah?  
  
CT - A galah is a bird, and Tugger? Do I look like a grey bird with a bright pink crest?!  
  
Tugger - (squinting) if you look at you like that.  
  
CT - Grrrrrrrr  
  
Tugger - ( What?  
  
CT - -_-;; Someone punch Tugger for me.  
  
(PUNCH is heard)  
  
Tugger - HEY!!!!! MISTO!!!!  
  
Misto - (whistling) Wha.? (smiles sweetly)  
  
CT - Now, tis time to learn. something else. hmmm. what do you want to know?  
  
Jemima - Hmm. how about why is the sky blue?  
  
CT - Ooh! I know that one!!!  
  
Jemima - Eh.. y..you do?  
  
CT - Yeah! I learned it in science. something about light refracting from the sun, hitting the particles in the sky, and blue was the closest one so the sky is blue!  
  
Jemima - o.O?  
  
CT - Oh, never mind. I have a question to ask you guys.  
  
Jelly - I like pies.  
  
CT - Huh? That was slightly.  
  
All - RANDOM!  
  
Jelly - Yes, fandom can get quite out of hand sometimes. I mean. look at CT!  
  
Tugger - (slaps forehead) C'mon Mum. Time to sit down I think.  
  
Jelly - Write down what?  
  
Tugger - (pushing her to her seat)  
  
CT - Can I ask my question?  
  
Munkustrap - Go for it..  
  
CT - How come it never rains on the night of the Jellicle ball?  
  
Munkustrap - Oh. it's rained before. just that when it does it isn't the night of the Jellicle ball.  
  
CT - So it's random?  
  
Misto - Nah. Deuteronomy tells us..  
  
Tugger - After he's checked the weather report.  
  
Misto - HEY!?  
  
Tugger - Hey what?!  
  
Misto - You finished my sentence!  
  
Tugger - Yeah? Wanna make something of it?  
  
Misto - (cowering) Nope.  
  
Tugger - (grins)  
  
Exotica - Hi. (chewing on a bread roll)  
  
CT - Wait a minute. chewing on a bread roll?  
  
Exotica - (unsheathing claw) Gotta problem with that??  
  
CT - No.. anyway. MY QUESTION!!!  
  
Exotica - Haven't you already asked it?  
  
CT - (thinks) Mebbe. lemme ask another one and then we'll see.  
  
Cassandra - Go on then.  
  
CT - Does it really rain for 300 days a year? And is it true that it is overcast for 50 days and the last fifteen are sunny? In England?  
  
All - o.O Eh?  
  
Skimble - Uhm. yes?  
  
Jelly - Guess? Guess what dear?  
  
Skimble - I didn't say guess..  
  
Tugger - Uhm. what's that? (pointing to a baby duck being led in on a leash by a collar and lead)  
  
CT - Well, it looks like a baby duck being led in on a leash by a collar and lead.  
  
Tugger - No! You think?  
  
Misto - Asparagus what is that?  
  
Asparagus - Tis my pet duck, Cat.  
  
CT - You named a duck, Cat?  
  
Jelly - He named his duck Spat? How disgusting!  
  
CT - (rolling eyes) Cat?  
  
Asparagus - Yeah? So what? I think it's very cute. (Duckling chirps in response)  
  
CT - Never mind. I think I'm done for now. I'm getting headache again..  
  
Tugger - Good, go away.  
  
(A crashing noise is heard from outside and then rather strong language)  
  
CT - What the?  
  
(Tumble appears at door smashing a drum with a hockey stick.)  
  
Tumble - I can't take the (SMASH) stress anymore!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Jelly - (cringe)  
  
CT - Stress?  
  
Tumble - All these girls! (SMASH) All the time!! (SMASH) All this music!!! I can't take it!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!! (SMASHSMASHSMASHSMASHSMASH)  
  
Jelly - (CRINGE) (Screams)  
  
CT - So why don't you just QUIT???  
  
Tumble - What a good idea.  
  
Jelly - No duh! Of course it's a good idea. oh wait. you probably didn't say that did you? (mutters to herself and sits down slowly)  
  
Jenny - wait a minute?  
  
Jelly - I don't have time to wait a minute! Wait!!!!!  
  
Jenny - YOU CAN HEAR AGAIN!!!!  
  
Jelly - (plugs ears) yes dear. no need to shout.  
  
CT - Well, there's a happy ending.  
  
(Sirens are heard outside and two calico kittys run inside with v-e-r-y shifty eyes)  
  
Rumple - Wha'eva they say! I' wasn' us!  
  
Mungo - Da's roigh'! We didna touch nuffink!  
  
CT - Okay. that's it. I'm outta here. see you all later. I hope you learned something about Australia, and if you didn't well, scroll up and read it again stupid!  
  
Munkustrap - Bye!  
  
Tugger - You looooseeeeer..  
  
Munkustrap - (glares at Tugger) Misto?  
  
Misto - Yeah?  
  
Munkustrap - Hit him.  
  
Misto - (hits him)  
  
And as the lights fade on our scene we see Tugger and Misto getting into a fist. no. getting into a paw fight slapping and hitting each other and Munkustrap chatting to the other cats paying no attention whatsoever to the fighting toms. CT edges away, but gets grabbed by two cat burglars who want to give her a pile of jewels.)  
  
So, that was all it was, sorry peeps. I do have a Viccy story coming out. as soon as I finish it. it'll be a while though. I think. Ooooh! Oswald's on the TV! YaaaaY! (Yes, I'm a baby) (Cori - You can say that again) (Yes, I'm a baby) (Cori - Idiot.) (Waaaaaah!)  
  
Visit my site. give me ideas. do whatever! www.geocities.com/chibi_teazer/ 


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